Conversations Seldom Overheard [Alien Illicit]
Arthur Meiselman

In a loft, in San Francisco, above the fog.


Him-1: “Listen, in exactly three minutes the telephone is going to ring. That’s the time to finish our little test. You answer it.”


Him-2: “What do you mean... answer it?”


“Pick up the phone, idiot, and talk to the person on the other end... as me!


“As you? How the hell... I can’t do that!”


“Of course you can!”


“I’m a lousy actor, it won’t work.”


“This has nothing to do with acting. Just be yourself. We’re carbon copies, remember?”


“That’s only a coincidence!”


“You become me and that proves my point?”


“What do I say?”


“Just listen to her, just talk to her.”


“You mean ‘she’ is a she? Come on!”


“And a very beautiful she, and ‘she’ is a junkie and I am her drug. And ‘she’ comes to me for her fix."


“Oh that’s great... I mean... what about my voice?”


“You’ve heard me enough. Just let yourself get into it.
You’ll do fine.”


“There, it's ringing, there she is. Pick it up, pick it up!”


She: “Kindred?” Kindred, are you allowing me to come over and see you?”


Him2: “Uh... I don’t think we can do it.  Something’s come up... Mmmm.” 


“What’s the matter? You sound so far away, so... .”


“I’m coming down with something, been talking all day. Anyway, I have to say no. Got to take care of this, uh, something, may have to go out of town for a few days. I’ll call you.” 






“You will call me, won’t you?”


“When I say I will, I do it.”


“Thank you. Goodnight, my love.”


Him-1: “You were terrific! I thought I was listening to a tape of myself. And that last bit: ‘When I say I will, I do it’. Vintage moi, my friend! Bravo!
Incidentally, I never use the word ‘anyway’.”


“I’ll remember that.”


“Now we have to settle the bet. You lost, right? Okay... then this is what I want to pay off my marker: You passed yourself off with someone who knows me pretty well, knows my voice, intimately. I want to do the same with someone who knows you. I want to whisper in someone’s ear and have them see your eyes looking at them.”


“Don’t know who that could be.”


"How about a girlfriend, a woman who’s been up close and personal? That one you keep talking about. I bet she knows you well. I bet she knows you real well.


“No! No! That’s not perfect!”


“Why not? She’ll be a great challenge... quid pro quo, tit-for-tit... why not? You were me and now I’ll be you, then we’ll be even. What’s her number?”

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Arthur Meiselman is a playwright, writer and the Editor of Scene4. He also directs the Talos Ensemble and
produces for Aemagefilms.
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©2015 Arthur Meiselman
©2015 Publication Scene4 Magazine




October 2015

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